Sorry for the lack of updates for the past couple of weeks. I just recently finished my stuff up, so I should be back to my regular updating now. Hopefully, no deadlines would ambush me so soon. x.x
Trigger warning: mentions of suicide
Chapter 82: Lost in Grief
I returned to the manor and shut myself in my room.
Natalia had come over to call me for lunch, but I did not come out. I had even thought that I might as well die like this.
There was no worth living in a world without Wilhelm-sama—.
Recalling the image of the big and strong Wilhelm-sama, my tears fell without end.
He said we would get married.
He agreed to make me his wife.
How could you die in battle, Wilhelm-sama—?
I even believed you would definitely come back.
In my hands was a scarf knitted with great effort.
It was the long, long scarf I wanted to wrap around Wilhelm-sama’s and my neck when winter comes. I had labored over it, and worked on it every day to please Wilhelm-sama.
Wilhelm-sama, without waiting for winter to come, had passed away—.
My mother’s voice sounded beyond the door.
However, I did not answer. I did not want to see anyone right now. My swollen eyes were red, my face was haggard from despair, and my hair was a mess. I did not want to go out with such an appearance. I did not even want to see my mother.
After all, no matter who it was, they would all say the same thing.
「Very well……speaking through this door is fine. Just listen, Carol」
「Captain Anastasia of the Order of the Snow is here. She would like to see you」
Just hearing those words caused my body to tremble.
Surely, Captain Anastasia was also worried about me.
「She could be asleep. My apologies, even though you took the trouble to come here」
「No, not at all……I only came out of worry」
「To cause you worry like this……no, let us drop this matter. At least come to the drawing room? I will have tea prepared」
「Then, I humbly accept……But before that…」
I heard Captain Anastasia clear her throat with a cough.
Apparently, she would like to say something to me. Please do not give me any more despair.
Wilhelm-sama died in battle.
He would never come back.
I already know—so please do not remind me any further.
「Lady Carol……it is about Uncle, the knight captain Wilhelm Aibringer」
「Vice-captain Victor……no, is it “Captain” now? I heard the full story from him. He said that Uncle launched an attack on the enemy’s main camp with the Empire’s army and defeated the enemy commander. I heard that, at that time, he died protecting the Empire’s empress who was with them」
I did not understand.
Why was Empire’s empress in such a place? How skilled in combat was she?
Also, what was the purpose in telling me that?
Even with knowing such information, Wilhelm-sama would not come back.
That was all to it—.
「However, Uncle’s head has not yet been sent over. The body has not yet come. He is currently considered more to be missing rather than killed in battle. Therefore, it is not certain that he is dead. I want you to understand that」
「What I am saying is……Uncle loves Lady Carol. Also, Uncle is the strongest man in Flarekista. He does not die so easily. No……I do not believe Uncle’s death. I believe he will definitely come back someday」
If Captain Anastasia’s words were true, then Wilhelm-sama might be alive.
I, too, wanted to believe.
That Wilhelm-sama would definitely come back.
「So……I hope you will not be too depressed. When Uncle comes back, I hope he will meet with Lady Carol as usual. Of course, I also understand your situation. You do not have to force yourself to continue lecturing in our Order. I want you to rest for a while and calm down, before coming back again. That is all」
However, I knew.
What I am feeling was despair.
Beyond that despair was—
The fear of holding a little hope, only to be crushed.
If I believed he was alive and held fast unto that…
Most likely, when faced with Wilhelm-sama’s body, I would end my own life.
Already, I am sick and tired of everything.
I raised my face as I sat down on my knees.
I already knew; Wilhelm-sama was not coming back.
In that case, for the rest of my life…
When I was supposed to walk beside Wilhelm-sama, from now on…
I shall weep and weep, spending the rest of my life in mourning.
I shall spend my life without a companion to walk beside with.
Tears not stopping, I looked up to the sky.
Surely, in the heavens—far beyond the clouds, there must be a paradise where the souls of the departed go.
There, Wilhelm-sama would be.
「Why…why……did you not come back—?! 」
I was supposed to be Wilhelm-sama’s young wife.
We were supposed to get married once he comes back.